Today we put Tommi our dog to sleep. We have had her for 15 wonderful years.This by far was the most painful and sad time in my life.I know I have hard times before but this by far was the worst.I felt bad cuz I didnt stay home last night, cuz of my bday, but i did spend the rest of the afternoon with her. Brought home the best bacon in the world, and a cheeseburger and fries. I wanted her to have a good last meal. WE cuddled and I took pictures of her,not like i dont have some from years past but still. WE drove the the vet, had her in teh room for awhile, then finally put her onthe table and my mom held her back by her heart, and i held her head in my hand and close to my heart. We had to hold her real still, and I watched the vet put the shot into her, I tried to hurt my head and close my eyes but that image is a still now my mind.With in a few moments her head was still in my hearts and she took her last breathe and was gone. I talked to her hte whole time, and told her something that i told her a lot, I will always love you. It was from a great book about a boy and his dog, and when his dog died.WE layed her on her side, totally life less. I swear it looked like she ws just sleeping, but she wasnt. I tried to close her eyes but it wouldnt. I kissed her and petted her. The vet made us a paw print of her in plaster and then wrote her name in it. So we will always have this. They asked us if we wanted a moment, i should of said yes but i didnt. I pet her one last time and kissed her good bye. Coming home was the hardest, her bed is still on my floor, her bowl of food that she didnt eat today is still in the hallway untouched, her pillows up stairs and in my moms room, her water and toys. ITs so hard to know that i wont have to take her out anymore, or be woken up to her barking, or come home to see her sleepin in my room. Or have her beg for food. I mean who is gonna finish my food now when I am not hungry.
I am trying to remember all the good times we had with her, how we were so lucky to get her, and how we saved her from a bad family that she had before. How she is up there with my grandparents, the one who made my dad get her for us, and my uncle who loved her too.And she is up there with Sean's dog Squiggs too. And she isnt deaf or half blind, she can run and bark again. I just wish I didnt leave for school for 2 years and that I would of walked her more or played with her more.
I want this hurt to go away, I know its going to take time, but i really dont think i want another dog. I am sure she would want me too but i dont know if I could handle it. She was my best friend, we had great talks, well I talked to her she listened, we went thought everything. I will never forget after we had her spade, she jumped the gate in our house that night when she wasnt suppost to jump but she she did and slept in my room for the first time, ever upstairs and everything.
So if you are talkig to me at all this week or tying to you know why i might not be up for it. Granteed I just turned 23 last night and all and its still by birthday weekend and Nicki and I had a blast, I will write more later about it, and we have real world casting call on Saturday, its just that i am going thought a lot, and I am so greatful i have friends who are there to me, no matter how much i talk about sean and bitch about him, or cry on the phone on in person with them about my dog.
So Tommi sweetie, I love you, Rest In Peace. I cant wait for the day till we are together again. I know your watchin me.