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My Life Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Kimmy" journal:

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January 25th, 2006
08:08 pm

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Hey ya all I know i said i would update every day but its just hasnt been able to fit it in. I am still doing well with the whole diet thing. I am on about week 3 !! Still speical k and trimspa and subway 5 to 6 times a week with a cheat day in there too.I am not drinmkin as much and still not eatting after 8pm unless i have been drinkin I have had md's 2 times in the last few weeks and have felt like crap after it so i am done with that.
Other then that I am just not happy with my life and how things are going, there are days where i just want to stay in bed and take as many pain killers as i can to try and not worrie or think about things. I just dont know what to do any more, I have seen sean again with his wife to be and that kills me more everytime and i am just trying so hard to let it go i am really starting to think i need to see a shrink or something. Well we will have to see how things are gonna keep going i just want them to get better and i want me to get better also.

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January 5th, 2006
01:49 pm

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Day 2
Day 2

So today wasnt as easy as yesterday was. I wish I didnt work at a resturant where the food is always so good. Breakfast wasnt so hard, but when lunch came around really didnt want to eat just Special K cereal.Oh man I wanted eggs and pancakes can bacon. But hey its just all mind over matter. So I had my bowl and added some strawberries and a half of banana. So that kinda made up for it. But when I got home damn those fat free pringles tasted so GOOD.Hey its just the first week thats gonna be hard come to the second and third it will be a cake walk. Saturday will be the real test !! Well I worked out today even though my program said it was a rest day. I didnt want to rest. So I did a little easier workout, also because I was so sore today too. But that just means I am working well. And Hard. And plus I am gonna drink a little too, so I know I needed too and didnt want to feel guilty either.


Day 2:
2 TrimSpa's
Bowl of Special K (165calories)
Skim Milk (98calories)
2 TrimSpa's
10 Strawberries(53calories)
1/2 Banana(67calories)
Bowl of Special K(165caloris)
Skim Milk(98calories)
30 Fat Free Pringles(140calories)
1/2 Sub from Yesterday(465calories)
1.5 Liters of Water
1 Blue Moon Beer Pint (171calories)

Total Calories for the day : 1422



Work out for the day: PS2 Tranier program 45mins

Current Mood: soresore
Current Music: Top 40 hits of 2005

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January 4th, 2006
06:01 pm

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A new Start
Hey ya all its a start of a new year for me. And today started my getting my life back. First off what ever happened to me in the past year that was bad, is gonna stay there. At 11:59pm on New Years Eve that was the last minute for me to feel sorry and upset about everything that has happened. The gaining of weight, the money problems and worst of all the break up with Sean. Thats all in the past. I am getting my life back now.
Today I started a 12 week or if I can go longer weight loss program. I signed with TrimSpa and got the Nike Kitneic for playstation.I got everything that Sean ever gave me in a box(well besides the digital camera) that is all sealed up. I am back in school now too. I am plannin on moving back to Tampa/Orlando in the Fall. I am also planning on being back to the skinny girl I was for a short time before my knee problems. SO this is it. Things are gonna change for me. Once I get my mind set on things I get it done. A good example was the Aerosmith Tickets that I wanted to win that I did, and winning the Jingle Bingo and trip to Orlando.I am very determained. When people tell me that I cant I want to do it even more. I know that I have the self displine that I can do things. I will by the end of the 12 weeks be at least 150, I would like to be less but thats my goal.
So I am gonna be useing this as a journal for me.My thoughts for the day, and aslo as a food journal. I think this will help me in the long run, and well if you all have commments or want to motivate me more that woudl be great. But if you all choice to by anytime put anything negiative up thats just gonna make me prove you wrong 300times more.
So here it goes !!!

Weight: 180lbs
Height:5'3
Short Term Goal: 150
Long Term Goal: 115

Food today:
A bowl of the Speical K (165calories)with skim milk(98calories)
2 trimspa for lunch
6inch club sub from subway with light mayo,olive oil,cucumbers,onions,green pepers,cheese,whole wheat bread,turkey,ham,roast beef(465calories)
Fat Free Pringles (50)(231calories)
7 Cherry Cordels(thats all I can have for the week, that was my weekness)(575calories)
1.5 litters of Water
2 trimspa for dinner
Bowl of Speical K (165calories) and skim Milk(98calories)
An Orange(85calories)
Light Lemonade ( 5 calories)

Total Calories for the day:1887 calories

Goal of Calories I would like to stay under 1000-1500calroies a day

Workout for the day: PS2 Nike work out cd 45mins,crunches 200

I feel good about what I did today, would like to keep my calories down.Tomorrow is a new day.

Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: watchin the Biggest loser

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December 21st, 2005
02:22 pm

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2005 Survey
January
1. did you have a new year's resolution this year?
Nope not really

2.Who kissed you at midnight?
no one, I went home early cuz my bf at the time was a sleep

3. does it snow where you live?
Hell ya it does

4. do you like hot chocolate?
Yep I drink it at work all the time, but only in the winter

5. have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop?
No but one day I will be

February
1. who was your valentine in 2005?
Sean My BF

2. what did your valentine get you?
A starbucks card and a card

3. when you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class?
Hell ya it was kinda manatory

March
1. are you Irish?
No but I am gonna try to be lol

2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day?
Yeppers and eat some corn beef and hash

3.what did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2005?
Crying cuz my BF broke up with me a week earlier

April
1. Do you like the rain?
Yes

2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
Nope maybe next year

3. do you get tons of candy on Easter?
Not really

May
1. What's your favorite kind of flower?
The huge daisys that start with a "G"

3. Do you like the spring?
Oh yea cuz that means Summer is near

4. Finish the phrase: April showers....
May Flowers

5. What would you think of as a spring color?
pastel colors

June
1. What year did/do you graduate from school?
2001

2. Did you go on any vacations last June?
Nope stayed here all year

July
1.What did you do on the 4th of july?
Um was at my sisters for a bbq

2. do you go on any vacations during this month?
Nope

August
1. did you do anything special to end off your summer?!
Just party with my girls

2. what was your favorite summer memory of '05?
I think the Kenny Chensey Concert

3. do you go swimming a lot in the summer?
I never went this year

September
1. Did you attend school/college in '05?
Yes WestWood College

2. who is/was your favorite teacher?
None really

3. do you like fall better than summer?
Nope I am summer girl

October
1. what was your favorite Halloween costume ever?
My french maid costume from this year

2. what's your favorite candy?
Kit Kats

3. Did you dress up for Halloween this year?
French Maid

November
1. whose house do you usually go to for thanksgiving?
My sisters

2. Do you like stuffing?
EwWWW

3. What are you thankful for?
My Family, Friends, Health

December
1. do you celebrate Christmas?
Yep, I want to celebrate Chrismakkah

2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
Nope

3. What do you want this year for Christmas?
My Ex to be unengaged to that girl Jen and him to come crawling back to me

4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas?
My first Nutcraker

5. do you like cold weather?
HELL NO, thats why I am moving back to FL

6. How would u rate your 05?
Well it was pretty much the worst year for me, very emotional on me. But things got a little better made some great friends and what not, but still would love to relive this year over and try things differently

Current Mood: satisfiedsatisfied

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December 11th, 2005
09:01 pm

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This is so perfect !!
Your 2005 Song Is

Since You've Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

"But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on"

In 2005, you moved on.

Current Mood: touchedtouched

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November 24th, 2005
09:41 am

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Happy Thanksgiving !!
Hey ya all I know I havent written in the longest time. I will try to keep up more, however my life isnt all that interseting right now. I first want to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.Um I am going to my sister's for thanksgiving. Well lets go back with my birthday. !! Wow what I time we all had, There was no one really at the bars well it being a wednesday night, but thats cool cuz we had a place all to ourselfs and had a blast. Then Halloween came, and wow I finally dressed up this year and we did the bar crawl. We met some great guys but they turned out to be real tools after we really got to know them. Nicki and I have nothing but fun when we are together.Lets see then Nov 1-5 finally rolled around. That whole week I really dont remmeber till the 3rd cuz we were running around tryin to get everything set and done for my sisters wedding. Then the 4th was finally here. Wow her wedding was amazing. It was something out of a story book or marthas book. We had so much fun. My sister and I are getting a ton closer now. I think its that age gap when your younger that its hard to be close so when you get older it really doesnt matter.Um so then I house sitted for 2 weeks while they were on their honeymoon, that was nice to have there house to myself. I wish though sean and I were still together cuz we had so many plans and what not. Not to mention he was suppost to be my date, but Cilla and Nicki were ton times better, sides I wouldnt of been able to dance with Eric, Yep Eric Holland, I finally got too and I got a picture of it. I also danced with Joe too, then we went back to the suite(jill and micahs) and Andy orderd porn and we all drank in there and watched it and talked till 330am. IT was great.
Lets see that basically brings us back to today now.
Work is still work, I got to manage last week sunday so that was interesting.I hate getting all this responibily sometimes, oh well. I will write more about that later, dont want to ruin the day.

Well hope you all enjoyed the update finally and that you all have a great Holiday,Eat lots of Turkey.

Current Mood: thankfulthankful
Current Music: Macy's Day Parade

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October 6th, 2005
09:01 pm

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Tommi
Today we put Tommi our dog to sleep. We have had her for 15 wonderful years.This by far was the most painful and sad time in my life.I know I have hard times before but this by far was the worst.I felt bad cuz I didnt stay home last night, cuz of my bday, but i did spend the rest of the afternoon with her. Brought home the best bacon in the world, and a cheeseburger and fries. I wanted her to have a good last meal. WE cuddled and I took pictures of her,not like i dont have some from years past but still. WE drove the the vet, had her in teh room for awhile, then finally put her onthe table and my mom held her back by her heart, and i held her head in my hand and close to my heart. We had to hold her real still, and I watched the vet put the shot into her, I tried to hurt my head and close my eyes but that image is a still now my mind.With in a few moments her head was still in my hearts and she took her last breathe and was gone. I talked to her hte whole time, and told her something that i told her a lot, I will always love you. It was from a great book about a boy and his dog, and when his dog died.WE layed her on her side, totally life less. I swear it looked like she ws just sleeping, but she wasnt. I tried to close her eyes but it wouldnt. I kissed her and petted her. The vet made us a paw print of her in plaster and then wrote her name in it. So we will always have this. They asked us if we wanted a moment, i should of said yes but i didnt. I pet her one last time and kissed her good bye. Coming home was the hardest, her bed is still on my floor, her bowl of food that she didnt eat today is still in the hallway untouched, her pillows up stairs and in my moms room, her water and toys. ITs so hard to know that i wont have to take her out anymore, or be woken up to her barking, or come home to see her sleepin in my room. Or have her beg for food. I mean who is gonna finish my food now when I am not hungry.
I am trying to remember all the good times we had with her, how we were so lucky to get her, and how we saved her from a bad family that she had before. How she is up there with my grandparents, the one who made my dad get her for us, and my uncle who loved her too.And she is up there with Sean's dog Squiggs too. And she isnt deaf or half blind, she can run and bark again. I just wish I didnt leave for school for 2 years and that I would of walked her more or played with her more.
I want this hurt to go away, I know its going to take time, but i really dont think i want another dog. I am sure she would want me too but i dont know if I could handle it. She was my best friend, we had great talks, well I talked to her she listened, we went thought everything. I will never forget after we had her spade, she jumped the gate in our house that night when she wasnt suppost to jump but she she did and slept in my room for the first time, ever upstairs and everything.
So if you are talkig to me at all this week or tying to you know why i might not be up for it. Granteed I just turned 23 last night and all and its still by birthday weekend and Nicki and I had a blast, I will write more later about it, and we have real world casting call on Saturday, its just that i am going thought a lot, and I am so greatful i have friends who are there to me, no matter how much i talk about sean and bitch about him, or cry on the phone on in person with them about my dog.

So Tommi sweetie, I love you, Rest In Peace. I cant wait for the day till we are together again. I know your watchin me.

Current Mood: sadsad

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September 16th, 2005
10:47 am

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A - Age you lost your virginity? 20

B - Band listening to right now? Kenny Chesney, yep super excited he is single again soon

C - Dream car? Hummer

D- Dads Name? Terry

E- Easiest person to make laugh? Nicki

F - Food you miss most? Pasta,anything from like olive garden

G - Any encounters with ghosts? Yes, it was at church when i was little

H- Person most hated at the moment? I dont really hate anyone right now, just upset with them

I - Interesting unknown fact about yourself? I sing

J- The first letter of the last person who broke your heart? S

K - Kissing with eyes opened or closed? closed

L - Last time you did LSD? Um nope never

M - Most memorable moment you can think of in a minute? The last night hanging out with Brian and Nicki when they met for the first time and I met nate
N - Nicknames? Kim,Kimmy,Gibbler,Bubbles

M - most valued possessions? my cellphone and computer and SUV

P - Poison of choice? Jack

Q - The last quote you heard? "Promise you wont forget me, because if I thought you would, I'd never leave"

R - What are you allergic to? ceclor,and alligeries

S - Song you sang last? I like Big Butts

T - Time you woke up? 10ish, it was a late night last night

U - Fav. pair of underwear? um not sure

V- vegetable u hate most? sweet poatoes

W - What are you the most afraid of? Not getting back together with Sean

X - X-rated love life? lol yea, cant go into more detail sorry

Y - Year you were born? 1982

z - Zodiac sign? libra

Current Mood: refreshedrefreshed

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July 22nd, 2005
02:01 pm

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Okay so life is good rigth now for me, Things are starting to look up for me. So this is the short verison of what i have done the last month

Summerfest
Kenny Chesney
Summerfest
Miller Park
Tumbleweeds
Miller Park
HOG
Jason

And soon to come
Horesback Riding
JoDee Messina Concert
Brad Paisly
Nikkis 21st bday


I will write more later, I just cant sit still

Current Mood: stressedstressed

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July 5th, 2005
11:01 pm

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Hey ya all just a quick update cuz i need to get to bed so i can get some good sleep this week, since i havent been lately. My life lately has been like a rollar coster ride. There are still things going on with the whole sean thing, like i am so scared for him right now. I want him to be able to talk to me, cuz I really thought we had that kind of relationship that we could still be best friends or friends at all for that matter.But now I just feel like i am kidding myself. My whole family wants me to stay away from him and not to ever get back together with him, that if he changed like this once he will again. But something deep down inside of me is telling me dont give up on him. I know i could be blinded by love, but I dont think thats it. Him and his new gf just bought a truck together and I guess are looking for a dog. His mom was recently in the hospital cuz she shattered her femer. And I was told Sean didnt go to see her at all. And that he hardly talks to his little brother. So I dont know anymore at all.
On good news for a little I went to see Kenny Chesney, with Nikki from Miller Park. And we ended up getting 4th row tickets, and then we got up to the first row. My pics are awesome, words just cant discribe them. To see Him so close well, that was like a dream come true and I loved that I went with Nikki we had a blast, well for the most part. Thats where this other sean update comes into play. oh if your sick of me talking about him then dont read this next part.
So the day of the concert he ims me to tell me he has 7th row tix. Not like I really cared, but still, anyways. So Nikki and I go down find out that we got 8th row what we thought at the time, so I call seans cell to see what section he is in. Now keep in mind that he choose to answer his cell when he saw my number come up. He did and he also chose to tell me what section he was in. He could of lied and told me a different one. But didnt, so I told him I would buy him a beer that night. So anyways we get to the concert, and well we see them walk in, oh yea our tix were really 4th row when we found out cuz they didnt start with A in our section and sean was really 2 row behind us. So that was a huge plus. So then after grettchen willion( oh yea his new gf is really short so she had to stand on the seat to see lol) I went to the bathroom and I get a text from him telling me that his is 2 row behind us and to the left and that he is really fucked up. SO I went and got beers for all of us, and went to go give him one and his gf one cuz i am that nice. Well I get there and she shoows me away and I was like i told you i would buy you a beer tonight so here is the beers. ANnd still did it so I was like okay whatever and then his gf butts in and was like you dont need to be starting shit and then pulls him and starts to make out with her. SHE IS 28 years old !!!! SO i was like well you know what then tell your bf to stop texting me and callin me then. SO then nikki and i drank all the beers ourself and had a kick ass time
I took tons of pics if you want to see them, you can see nose hairs lol. SO yea anyways. So that night i texted him and told him i was done with him and he needs to fuck off and shit cuz you know i was trying to get along with him but when he tells others its me who doesnt want to get along pissed me off even more. Like there was no need for that shit at Kenny, He didnt have to tell me he had 7th row or what section or answer his cell or text me. You know. And then I saw an email. Not telling you how i saw it but I am so scared for him right now.

His new gf is 28 !!! She is robbing the craddle like she cant find a guy her own age.

I am just tyring to hang in there and all, and just take it as it comes and be there if he needs someone. I am hangin out with james a lot more nad Brian is hanging with me too. i dont know what i am gonna do when brian moves away. And if james moves too.

But on a better note, kevin talked me and told me I was still like family to them, so that was great! I love and miss kevin and I get to see him tomorrow so I am super happy about that.

Oh yea things are still trying to work out with Jason. I am making progress

Oh and I lost almost 30lbs since Sean and I broke up !!! YEA ME only like 40 more to go

Current Mood: stressedstressed

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